I am a sucker for medical shows. Of course, I can't actually watch the gore, but enjoy the cases that take place. I watched House, ER, and Greys Anatomy. Bodies fascinate me. But, I would always scream in frustration at the TV when a patient would choose to not have surgery. It made no sense to me, the doctors always did their job well. Even when there was low risk, some would opt not have it. It infuriated me.

So, imagine my surprise when I suddenly found that I could empathize with these patients.

I found a lump on my neck back in May. I went in to the doctor and they ran multiple tests. All were inconclusive. They couldn't figure out if this bump was a gland or an infected lymph node. They hoped for the lymph node and gave me antibiotics. Two trials of these antibiotics with no results. Finally, a couple of weeks ago, a CT scan revealed that it was a benign tumor from the parotid gland (A gland that runs from the top of the ear down the side of your jaw).

Due to the size of the tumor, it was  a difficult surgery. The main vein that controls facial movement runs through the center of the gland. The gland needs to be removed since there is a chance that it will keep throwing benign tumors. So I went in and had it removed.

The surgery could not have gone better. My doctor believes that I should regain all facial movement. Right now I'm at about 60% for facial control.

For those of you that I haven't told about this, it's mostly because I was overwhelmed. Even now, it's easier to simply write it then to have to call everyone and explain it. No worries, friends. It went well and I should be back to normal in no time.

I actually wrote this post the day before the surgery and forgot to actually post it. In my next post, I will be talking about God's faithfulness throughout this entire ordeal. Thanks for loving me!

OCD & Christianity

As a graduate with a Counseling/Psych major, I tend to think of myself as having more knowledge that the average person when dealing with different issues. Someone will mutter something to me about PTSD or about cutters, and I nod my head knowingly.Even though I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to counsel people, I never lost the interest. I DVR Dr. Phil daily. Not due to his stunning therapy skills, but more so because I just love watching all of the different people and their issues. I enjoy identifying what Dr. Phil is doing with his people. 

I wouldn't consider myself a stellar counselor, but just knew that I had more knowledge than the average person. When a close friend to mine told me that she had OCD, I nodded my head knowingly. She began sharing with me what she has gone through and I realized that my huge head didn't hold a lot of facts about counseling at all. 

The main truth that I gleamed from her was how hard OCD interacts with Christianity. Jackie didn't struggle with cleaning her hands so many times or needing to repeat a phrase. Jackie struggled with blasphemous, involuntary thoughts. These thoughts wreaked havoc on her. Jackie believed that she had created the unforgivable sin. That she would be cut off from her Savior. 

Now, she has freedom. Between CBT and meds, she has found freedom. I am so incredibly proud of her. She has written a novel about this whole period in her life and maintains a blog. If you would like to check her out, you can go to http://lightsallaround.wordpress.com/ If you would want to read snippets of her novel, go to the novel tab. 

Band Wagon

I'll admit it. I cannot wait for Hunger Games to come up. I have read all three books and would call myself a fan. So, happy reading different reviews. It's going to be so good!

For the past eight months, Tim and I have been working really hard on our kitchen. It was a fairly normal sight to meet me somewhere and see drywall dust in my hair or paint splatters on my arm. It has been a LONG process and one that could have been done a long time ago if we hadn't wanted to do the majority of the project ourselves. The rest we have subbed out to friends, who did this in their spare time, which means a waiting game as well.

But, the kitchen is SO close to being done. We completely gutted the kitchen. We added a dishwasher and more cabinets. I built the majority of our cabinets myself because Tim didn't love the tedious project. This suited me well as I didn't like installing the big heavy cabinets after. The floor has been laid and grouted. The dishwasher has been hardwired. The cabinets all have handles. There is just one small minor detail. The dishwasher still hasn't been hooked up to the water line. A small, but crucial detail that we have been waiting on a friend for weeks now. I would love to simply call a plumber and have it completed, but apparently in marriage people need to agree. So I wait.

My messy, project kitchen makes me think of my own life. God has in a lot of ways completed gutted a lot of the old things. There is fine tuning with my mouth and my heart to make me more loving. There has been a lot of work and still quite a bit to do. But, I couldn't be in more capable hands.

The Power of Prayer

I remember the first time it appeared on my finger. July 7, 2009. It was lighter then, with only a single stone. Even though the proposal wasn't a complete surprise, he still found a way to catch me off guard. We were serving as faculty at camp that we had both grown up attending. One that has been responsible for a lot of spiritual growth for us both. It only seemed fitting that this camp also be witness to another milestone in our lives. This camp had witnessed us choosing to live our lives for Christ and now seeing who would partner us in the journey.

The next time was May 16, 2009. Our wedding day. I remember standing nervously in front of friends and family. Terrified, not of my decision, but of all guests looking at us. Confident in giving my life to this man. The rings were placed, we kissed, and were announced husband and wife.

Fast forward two and a half years and I've somehow lost the ring. Not somehow, I took it off, it's due to my own absentmindedness. They had sautered the rings together and had gone too deep. The jewelry store was more than willing to fix it, however it meant that I would be without it for two weeks. I couldn't bear the thought. So instead, I have been following instructions not to submerge it in water. So for showers and for dishes, I've always taken the ring off. The irony that not wanting to be without this ring may have caused it to be misplaced forever is not lost on me.

Now I can't find it. I'm not sure where it went exactly. Tim and I have been looking everywhere, but it hasn't turned up. He has been VERY gracious and has even said that he will buy me a new one. But I don't want a new one. I want MY ring. The ring that held so much promise before the wedding. The ring I would stare at while counting down the days.

Almost a week had gone by before I realized something huge. I was so heartbroken, yet I haven't brought this to my Father. Maybe it had seemed trivial. Maybe I had forgotten that God is a personal God who cares about each of us. However, that night I realized that this was something that I needed to request of God who is capable of all. I prayed a simple prayer that night. I prayed that I would find the ring tomorrow. That the ring wouldn't be in plain sight, but it would be somewhere where I would think to look.

That morning I opened my eyes and expected it to be sitting on nightstand. It wasn't. It wasn't sitting in my jewelry box. It wasn't sitting in the office. Discouraged I went to work that day. I came home late that night and remembered my request. i checked again different places but found that  my request wasn't coming through. Finally, an hour or two before bed, I went to the bathroom. I saw a glint next to our soap dispenser and found MY ring.

I am so thankful for a loving personal God who created the heavens, the earth, and all of us. Yet, He delights in answering small prayers, that stem from our foolishness. I'm not worthy Lord, but so thankful.

Absent

So I'm sure my three readers noticed that I have been a bit absent from blogging. For my dear three, Sara, Jack, and Dora, I apologize. After really thinking about it, I think I was a smidge depressed for a bit. I left my old job due to some unethical decisions on their part. Being unemployed was draining. I was determined to make my time at home count. I would search for job for 5-6 hours a day online and then go to hand out my resume to anyone with an open sign on their door. The process was grueling and humbling, yet God provided.

I am now working a WONDERFUL job that I love. Well two jobs, actually. I work at a law firm doing their finances and then help an accountant in my spare time. It has been really exciting and challenging which was a huge change from my previous jobs. I am learning so much which means I'm a bit wiped when I come home. Yet, still am trying to remain faithful to my three readers.

So we shall try this again. Not because it's some resolution that I won't remember, but more because my life is chaotic and it may be my only attempt at keeping in touch for a while. So, know that you're loved.

I'm also very interested in seeing what God is doing now. My boss is Jewish and the accountant I help on the side is as well. I find it interesting because you don't normally encounter Jews on a daily basis. But, I'm very interested in His purpose and ensuring that I'm glorifying Him. So, on to a new adventure with the same purpose as the last and the next.

Auto Corrected

Tim came home the other night with some roses. A really sweet and loving gesture. I was so thankful and proud that I decided to send my friend a text. I wrote "I got roses! I love my man!" I was really confused by her response of "TMI!".

I checked again and realized that my "smart" phone had changed my text to "I got roused! I love my man!" I don't blame her. Eeek!